She put her free arm on him feeling his muscles beneath her hand hard and solid, his presence a large force in front of her, her face close to his so she could smell his cologne and almost feel his breath on her cheek. Slowly he led her around the floor and she fell into the sway of the dance, gradually relaxing under his assured touch enjoying the way he held her, his fingers lightly spreading out on her waist and back. He was right damn him, it had been awhile since she had really been held like this and the feel of him was undeniably good. She swayed around the floor for several minutes held in his firm grasp the tension leaving her body as she was whirled around until finally the music ended and he escorted her back into the corner where they had been before. She was suddenly even more aware of him as he kept one hand on the small of her back rubbing gentle little circles whilst the other guided her along by her hand. She was facing back out onto the floor and he positioned. It wasn’t long before I wasn’t keeping these feelings hidden. I doubt you would find it useful to hear the details of the next stage of our marriage–I hope you and David aren’t starting from the same place we did! It’s enough to say that my insecurity and snippiness pushed His buttons, He became resentful and would turn His back on me, and that made me even more insecure and nasty. We started exploding into arguments over the most trivial things. I’d take something He said or did as slighting, and felt that if I didn’t hit back I’d be submerged as a person. Now I recognize that as a kind of lost-little-girl panic, but then I was self-righteous in my defensiveness. In the end we’d always manage to smooth it over somehow, but that never lasted, and then it was back to the same old power struggle. This went on for three years, sometimes better, sometimes so bad we talked about divorce. Those conversations were sad! Frustrated and angry as I was, my heart almost broke when I thought.
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